She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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