I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
