Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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