Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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