Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
