I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
