sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
