Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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