I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
