I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
