handjob tips. give me some.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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