his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
