Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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