i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Success! We fucked roommates!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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