And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She bit a glass in half.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
