My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
