We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
