you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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