his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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