Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I have aggressive nipples.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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