Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
