I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
