Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
