Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
‪So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?‬
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
