Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
