My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
