ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
