Do you still have your period?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
