he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize