I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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