I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We're too hungover to prance.
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