yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
