just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
