i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
