I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
