i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
