I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he puts the penis in happiness.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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