they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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