my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
