awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize