I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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