He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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