he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
