dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
