He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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