yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
