so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
