There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
