Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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