Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
