you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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