i will never coherently bang her
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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