he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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