What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
