I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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