I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
