i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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