He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
