Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
