peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize