dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
