apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
