i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
