The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize