I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
